Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize
