We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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