holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The air taste purple.
Randomize
