Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
