Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
