i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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