this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Life without a bra equals bliss.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
