my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
