just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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