fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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