Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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