So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The air was thick with penises
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
