just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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