I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
