I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
