It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
