People with herpes should wear stickers.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Can you bring me the toilet please
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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