Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
