after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
