The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
