Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
