There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
