at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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