She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Watching her eat just hurts me
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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