so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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