he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
