what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
