When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
