I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
