I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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