If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
