Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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