either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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