Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
