OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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