we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
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