I hate your face
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
