So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i think i just lost a toe
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
