I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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