Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize