OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
