just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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