with your own penis?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
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