This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
