MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
