I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
