guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
