I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
