WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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