It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
