I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
