so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
