i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
