my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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