WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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