There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
