I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
