Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
