Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
