Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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