I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
