I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
