oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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