I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
