i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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