Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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