Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
