I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
