This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
where am i from again
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
