Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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