i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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