I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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