I am in a vortex of obligation.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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