Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
