Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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