...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
